Women are being taught the skills, they are being empowered, but ultimately, they face a different world once they are out of the incubator and go into tech fields.
By: Paola Molina 1-15-2020
On May 2015, I left high school feeling energized and excited to go to college. As a Hispanic student with little to no means to afford college, being accepted into a university was already a dream. I was more excited because I was finally going into a career that I was eager to learn more about – computer science. Before starting at Arrupe College of Loyola University (a 2-year institution dedicated to help low-income students afford college, gain the necessary skills to succeed, and eventually move on to a four-year institution to finish their degrees), I had zero coding skills. I didn’t even know what coding languages existed, what where their names, or even how to learn them. That gave me huge anxiety. I wasn’t even a foot into the door of the college world, and I was already thinking that maybe this was not what I wanted.
But even as I thought of other possible careers, I always came back to computers. I love working with computers! As a young girl, I was always surrounded with tech. Whether that meant playing with MS Paint, playing videogames, watching YouTube, or even helping others with their tech issues, the digital world was my world, and that was the type of environment that I enjoyed the most. So, I sowed a seed into my brain that I was going to learn how to code, no matter the cost, even as I had storms of doubt in my mind often. Because of the nature of the Arrupe program, which was dedicated to teaching all the basic core classes instead of specific career courses, I did not get the exposure to CS classes as much as I wanted. But I do not see my time at Arrupe as a waste. Arrupe gave me the opportunity to learn about various topics in other disciplines that I would have not heard about otherwise. I am grateful for the professors I met and the knowledge they passed on to me because they taught me more about the world I am standing on. Whether it was social justice/activism, environmental advocacy, or ethics, all of that information is useful to because I am a better human being in that I am more informed. I think having all of that liberal arts information available for everyone can be very beneficial, and I would encourage people to think about these ideas even though they do not relate to very specific careers like STEM. Arrupe was also not a waste because I was able to explore communication classes which would later help me in understanding where I wanted to go career wise.
Once I graduated from Arrupe, I was given the honor to continue my studies at a 4-year institution with a scholarship. This was amazing news to my ears because I was continuing my education, an opportunity that most cannot obtain especially as a first gen student. Nonetheless, my anxiety only grew. All of my core credits (English, History, Science, etc) transferred perfectly, the only thing that was left for me was to go to classes that were specific to CS. I was constantly nervous because this university was a much bigger, and I was overwhelmed at times, but I was still laser focused on my goal – learning how to code no matter what. I was aware of the imposter syndrome. But I always put it off; I said to myself, “it doesn’t exist. I don’t care if there is 90 percent of men in the room, that won’t affect me”. Except it did. I was walking to introductory CS classes as a junior, and that made me so self-conscious because I felt like I was too old to be there; I felt like I should have done this a long time ago. Even in the introductory classes, many students had so much knowledge about coding, some even left class after the professor made important announcement before class started. I was afraid to ask for help because I was scared that people might look at me funny and start criticizing me for not knowing the answers to even the most basic of problems. If that wasn’t enough, the people who were in my classes did not look like me, a Hispanic female. I couldn’t click with anyone on a personal level because I thought that I was not knowledgeable enough to be considered part of the group given my socio/economic status. All of that made me feel like I was not prepared enough to be there. I was an imposter.
I have always been a fighter, and even as I felt like I was drowning in guilt and self-doubt, I persevered full force towards my goal. I tried everything to succeed in coding. For 2 hours’ worth of homework for other students, I did 5. I did everything I could just to get to the same level as the others. I totally overworked myself because I thought I had to prove myself. I had to know everything about JAVA, Python. I had to work harder. But even with all this hard work, I was still met with the feeling of “you don’t belong here”. I went to ask questions to professors during office hours (I was there probably every week) because I felt more comfortable asking them, after all professors are there to help right? As I was asking my questions, very basic ones, professors asked me, “aren’t you a junior, you should know that by now”. I could even see the frustrations in their eyes and heard their sighs. Even when that hurt, I pretended that I had not heard it, and moved on. But it eventually got to me. I felt like I was the problem because I was just not prepared or even fit to learn and stay in this field. I had always had things under control. I felt like the things I did had a purpose and were well executed. I always did good in school and aimed to deliver the best of me in my assignments. This was the first time, where I did not find myself.
Even though I was having a difficult time finding a path that I was comfortable in, I still had a passion for tech. I did learn valuable coding skills like basics in JAVA and Python, but I came to the conclusion that I had to reanalyze ALL of my experiences and skills. Eventually, I decided to use my coding skills in a different way and focused more on web design and some development. Thus, I transferred to Digital Media studies and minor in CS. Even if I am not as involved in the CS world as I was before, I still believe that women who want to stay in these industries should not face constant walls of doubt. I decided to use my voice and let young girls know that they are not alone. Indeed, the imposter syndrome does exist, and it should not be taken lightly. That is why in 2018, I joined as a volunteer for the club Girls Who Code and continue to participate, presently, as a fellow. I vowed to myself that I was going to be there to teach young girls, support them, and listen to them. I wanted to be the mentor that I wish I had as early as high school – someone who supported me and understood me as a woman in tech. I loved it! I loved having a space where EVERYONE learned and made mistakes. A space where no one said, “You should know that by now”. No. Everyone grew together. The more advanced students taught the beginners, they all shared ideas, they all talked together. This is a great program because it nurtures a group in our society that is not nurtured by the industry they are learning about. But even if more and more women do learn STEM skills, there is a long way for women to be treated equally and with justice.
As the years advance there is more and more realization that, “Hey, maybe we should include more women in tech”. While this is a good improvement to see, reality is different. Nitasha Tiku discusses a survey conducted by the Girls Who Code Organization in which it is revealed that, “More than half of the respondents said they either had a negative experience while applying for engineering internships or knew another woman who had a negative experience, such as being subjected to gender-biased interview questions and inappropriate remarks, or observing a noticeable lack of diversity when they interacted with company representatives during the interview process” (Tiku). The study didn’t even ask about sexual harassment issues, but women reported that these were massive issues along with other toxic behaviors.
This made me think about the experiences that I had. Although I did not go as far as to get an internship or job in CS, my experience in the classroom had the same atmosphere. So, I constantly look at the girls I am teaching, and I ask myself, “what else can I do?”. I have no control over how they are treated outside the classroom in their future tech jobs, so what can I do to support them, if they are faced with these situations? It is my job to support these women as they are learning how to code, but I think we need to begin to change how companies “think” welcoming women means.
It is not enough to donate to the education of women coders like Uber though it smartly did after Susan Fowler called them out in a blog post outlining the toxic and harassment culture that lives there (Tiku). It is not enough to just put statements of support and advocacy when they are made aware of sexual harassment instances (Tiku). It is not even enough to be proud and say that your company is employing more women because that is not even entirely true, “Elite universities such as Stanford and Berkeley reported about 50% of their introductory computer science students being women. Yet last year, the U.S. Census Bureau released a report stating twice as many men are employed in STEM occupations than women who hold the same qualifications” (Kurter). Executives need to understand that there is a persistent negative culture that still exists, and that continuously supporting women and giving them the appropriate resources should be important.
So where do we start? First and foremost, there needs to be accountability for negative behaviors. We have heard stories after stories where women have experienced harassment, but their voices a shut down – in any industry. Thus, companies have to act on accountability and issue responsibilities for the person who did harm. We also need to start to change the culture. This is a lengthy task, but we can start by having support and network workshops for women where the executives are involved, have mentors that are women, and have more women hold executive jobs – we need female leaders. We also need to embrace a work environment that accepts mistakes. This last one hits close to home because, as I have explained, guilt, afraid of failure, and doubts of not being prepared where huge roadblocks in my tech skills growth. Lily Chen writes in “How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome In The Tech Industry” about her own struggles as she stepped into the tech world. She recommends always asking peers when you have questions, not be afraid of failure, and having a growth approach to learning in which you embrace challenges instead of avoiding them because of fear of failure. I really liked when she said, “No one is born talented or even good at software engineering” (Chen). Which, even as I read it now, I sign in relief because it is consolidating when someone verbalizes that no one is perfect in CS as they start or even after they learn. So, I think companies should have this mindset. They have to understand that not everyone is perfect or should expect so, instead they should embrace a culture where it is ACCEPTABLE to make mistakes. I believe this will be more welcoming to women because they do not have to feel like they are not “good enough or prepared enough” to go into tech. They would not experience so much anxiety knowing that they work in an environment where they do not punish you for failure or, worse, attribute your failure to your gender. Ultimately, I think it will encourage more people, not just women, to live in a positive environment where there is no urgent pressure to always have the answers rather to see questions as opportunities to become better.
For example, Nina Sajid writes about her own challenges and doubts about her coding skills. Throughout her article, “Susceptible to Imposter Syndrome”, she talks about how she shut her own self when people asked her about her coding skills. She always put off her skills by saying, “Sorry, I’m not very good at this” even if she clearly did the job properly. She says that she constantly asked herself, “Do I belong here? Am I good enough for this role? Do I have enough skills to work on this project? Is my work of an acceptable standard?” (Sajid). Sajid continues and says,
“These aren’t merely unsettling thoughts hovering at the back of my mind that can be shaken off. They are thoughts that, over time, have manifested themselves as obstacles in my career path. The self-doubt and sheer inability to acknowledge my accomplishments has led to a cycle of self-sabotage: continually underselling my abilities, not putting myself forward for roles I’m more than capable of doing due to a lack of confidence, and shying away from speaking up in front of others, even about topics I’m extremely well-versed in” (Sajid)
To which I said as I read, YES! These types of thoughts are the questions that I asked myself. But this is not healthy. It is ok to make mistakes. It is okay to not know everything. The tech world should take this into consideration and reassess how they can help us by accommodating their spaces so that women like me, Sajid, or Chen do not automatically feel like tech is not our thing.
We have to realize that women still face social and cultural challenges when they step into the tech fields. We need to crumble doubts, guilt, low self-esteem, and self-reproach in women. Institutions like GWC are in the right in being advocates for women coders and investing in their education, but tech companies need to play a role as well, and actually embrace these women and listen to their concerns. I will continue to do my job and be the best mentor I can be to these girls. Having people, you can look up to is extremely important and having someone say, “It’s okay, I felt that too” is crucial to their development. But as I do my job, it is my hope that the industry listens to women and creates spaces that make women feel like they are actually in a positive environment which allow them to grow.
Bibliography
Chen, Lily, et al. “How To Overcome Imposter Syndrome In The Tech Industry.” HuffPost, 26 May 2017, https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-overcome-imposter-syndrome-in-the-techindustry_b_59288805e4b07d848fdc039b. Accessed 11 Sept. 2019.
Kurter, Heidi Lynne. “Women In Tech: 3 Ways Companies Can Bridge The Gender Gap.” Forbes, https://www.forbes.com/sites/heidilynnekurter/2019/06/16/women-in-tech-3-simple-but-effective-tactics-on-how-companies-can-bridge-the-gap/. Accessed 11 Sept. 2019.
Sajid, Nida. “Susceptible to Imposter Syndrome.” POCIT. Telling the Stories and Thoughts of People of Color in Tech., 26 Mar. 2018, https://peopleofcolorintech.com/engineers/susceptible-to-imposter-syndrome/. Accessed 11 Sept. 2019.
Tiku, Nitasha. “For Young Female Coders, Internship Interviews Can Be Toxic.” Wired. www.wired.com, https://www.wired.com/story/for-young-female-coders-internship-interviewscan-be-toxic/. Accessed 11 Sept. 2019.